Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Wilko's Weekly Waffle - Wednesday's Winner, Wonderful

This isn’t about the World Cup this is about how to influence the results of matches quite significantly! This is not about horse racing  just about getting the results you want. This is not about what time the bin men come it’s about what time they have come before.
Two months ago I bet on the top 3 teams in the World Cup. Say no more, Mexico 3rd – gone!! Brazil v Argentina in final – no longer possible, Brazil to win – gone home – oh sorry already home! Ok it was always a long shot so when Mexico went out I had the double Brazil and Argentina in final and Brazil to win 1- 0!! I’m guessing last night’s result doesn’t allow that to happen!! Betting shop bet for Brazil last night to win 2 – 0 and as I was leaving the betting shop I noticed a poster 7/1 on Mueller scoring first – I laughed all the way home, ha ha I thought some people will fall for anything, who bets on stuff like that? Who scored first? Need I say more!!
I’m sure you know all the stories about horse racing but the one I fall for every time is when as happens in the UK a race falls to 7 runners the pay out is only on 1st and 2nd, I bet on a horse each way in a race with 8 or more runners and my chosen horse comes 3rd!! Ok you don’t win a fortune but if it’s good odds you may just about get your money back. Except in the meantime there has been one non runner and a withdrawn horse!! You get your ticket scanned and the happy smiling face that took your money hours before is now fit to bursting with laughter, “Sorry there’s nothing on that!” Funny how you know all your protestations only make you look stupider by the minute but you still do!! I have used a bit of poetic license in that by the way. They never laugh or smile in Ladbrokes!!
So single guy lives in a flat and historically has become the only one that bothers with the rubbish, wheelie bin emptying schedule etc. My council in its infinite wisdom has decided that every other week all 3 types of bin are collected on the same day, by three separate trucks!!  No bother I put them all out and bring them all back so efficiently that my neighbours don’t even realize that it isn’t the rubbish fairy does it! (I don’t actually believe in the rubbish fairy myself – obviously no fairies are rubbish!!!)   To make it more exciting for myself, on past performance I will predict to myself  what times the trucks will appear and empty the bins!! Sad yes but it’s only a bit of fun – or is it? The 1st two sets of bins will be collected within the hours of 9 and 10 the other set will be between 11 and 11.30, that was my prediction for Monday!!
Here are the times – without a word of a lie – that the three separate trucks arrived, 8.50; 10.05 & 11.35.
Yes I know that makes me a rubbish tipster and a god awful comedian!! I just came up with that last line now – clever? Bet it’s not!!
The moral to this story is obviously to get me to place a bet for you on the exact opposite of what you want the outcome to be and you will probably win!
Some of you may know I do mystery shopping, which is usually mystery dining, yesterday though I got to an assignment, yes that is what they are called, and realized that I couldn’t complete it because of my T shirt!!
A staff member used to work as a bar person for this pub restaurant chain, a long time ago but I do tell a slight whiteish lie about whether anybody in my immediate family does or has worked for them! I do also make a specific point not ever to choose all the local ones, where they worked or where any of the staff that I know may be. So I was already out and about and I got a phone call, “Instead of that so and so, could you do that so and so.” No problem – more or less the same location but more money – win win you would think? Lovely day weather wise and I was only wearing a T shirt – oh by that I mean, no coat or jumper!! Got all the way to the site, walked in and quickly walked right out again!! During the staff member’s time with the company he would occasionally get T shirts to wear and those would occasionally end up in my wardrobe because I always wear T shirts I guess! So yesterday’s T shirt chosen completely at random was for the companies annual beer festival of a few years ago, that was incidentally only available to staff!!
Epic fail!!  

A hurried phone call and a lie about public transport, sorry Arriva I blamed one of your buses, and it was rearranged for tomorrow unfortunately I can only claim the transport cost back once but that will teach me to wear company specific T shirts won’t it?!!

Sunday, 6 July 2014

“A camera is a tool for learning how to see without a camera.”

Wednesday, 2 July 2014


Well then Facebook tell me it’s my son’s birthday, so of course because everything on Facebook is true then it must be! Really all a bit silly isn’t it? After all again according to Facebook the relationship between us is father and son, so if they were that clever they would know that I know his birthday!!
What of course is neglected is that he is my younger son and if I were to write on his wall using their own reminder it would say just how old he is as well!! So does the fact my younger son is 29 make me feel older than in two weeks time when I am reminded, again by the book of Face, that my other son is 33? I think it’s today I feel older, just sayin’!

Do you like pure trivia? Does it ever cross your mind that it may have just been made up?
Guitarist and vocalist of Pink Floyd, David Gilmour borrowed his first guitar from his neighbour and has never returned it! Who is to say how true that statement is? I have to say though, that particular one - does amuse me slightly though whether it is true or not!!

Ordering a take away coffee from Costa the other day and the barista struggled for ages with the pathetic little plastic lid, so I said, thinking I was being helpful, “It’s alright I don’t need that!” Well you’d think I had insulted his mother….. “NO, you have to have it on!” Another maybe 30 seconds and he succeeded – thankfully as I was losing the will to live! Anyone who knows me knows I hate those tops and as soon as it is possible I take the lid off. So do you think I was very good leaving the top on until I was out of the shop? I do!!
There is strangely enough a very similar tale to be recounted from this week’s events. I bought, ironically, a Costa cup of coffee from a machine in a Spar shop and took it to the counter to pay for it. “Sorry I can’t sell that to you until it has a lid on!” Sh*t I’ve just met your son he works for Costa!!